Admittedly I get all sorts of strange e-mails, but this series of e-mails is the most interesting, informative and amusing I’ve ever gotten.

Jake:

Hello,

My company is looking to provide jobs and housing for up to _____ (6-figure number) _____ (Muslim ethnic group) refugees in ____ and ____ (states). We are going to help them gain residence and resettle in the US so they can start a new life here. Can you point me in the right direction so that I may get in touch with the management of the refugee camps in _____and _____ (countries)? We have purchased two properties adjacent to our office park and manufacturing plants and based on early estimates we should be able to provide decent housing for at least ____(6-figure) people. Please if you can point me in the right direction as we are hoping to have these refugees resettled and getting their lives back together within ___ years. Our ultimate goal is the help them resettle in the area as seamlessly as possible.

Me:

Hi Jake, forgive me, but is this a joke? LOL! Tis the season of fake news after all….look forward to hearing from you if you are serious!

Jake:

Hi Anne,

I’m not sure what would be a joke about it but yes we would like to help as many as we can. Please let me know if you have any information for me.

Thank you,

Jake

Me:

Call me.

Jake:

Anne,

I’m currently overseas and have not had great luck with phone service where I am. I wanted to find out if you had information on the management for some of these refugee camps so we can talk to them about our resettlement program. Our goal is to provide____ (5-figure) well paying jobs and housing to families totaling up to ____(5-figure) people.

Me (going along but noting a big discrepancy in the numbers he first gave me):

Hi again, Your numbers have changed somewhat. Tell me more about what you have in mind and if you have been in touch with the US State Department about your plans? What sort of jobs are you envisioning?

When do you return to the US?

Jake (highlighting mine):

____ (6-figure number) is correct, ____ (5-figure number) was a typo. We have manufacturing plants and office parks in___ and ___ (states). We would provide training and jobs rang from manufacturing, groundskeeping, to office work depending on the needs and skills, as well as our national and international frieght network. Because of the specialized nature of our work we have been able to streamline the immigration process to gain residence at a much faster pace than is normally provided for refugees. By providing specialized work we can not only ensure that our company has skilled workers for decades to come, we can also bypass the slow relocation process. That is the glory of working with a large company. Right now we have the capacity to fill ____ (five figure) jobs and provide housing for ____ (6-figure numbers, but not the same numbers) people. The most important next step in the processes is to reach out to refugee camps and _____ (Muslim ethnic group) communities so that we can begin the immigration process in the smoothest way possible. Do you have some contact details for me? I think this is a wonderful opportunity to save lives while making the US more diverse. I also feel personally that we need a lot more cultural diversity in the US because the barbaric White/Christian leadership is just so destructive on a global level. As our nation is a melting pot, a refuge for refugees, I hope to see our leadership represented in similar numbers.  [I hope you are having a good chuckle by now, it gets better, keep reading!—ed]

Me:

Can you tell me why you feel the ____(ethnic group Jake named) are the best choice for your purpose? No matter which LEGAL immigration program you go through, you still must go through the US State Department, something you would not have to do if you chose out-of-work Americans (of any color), plus they already speak English.

Maybe if you described the actual work, I might be able to make some suggestions.

Thanks, look forward to hearing more!

Ann

p.s. when do you plan to be back in the US so we can have a phone conversation?

Jake:

_____(ethnic group) need our help, isn’t your website an advocacy group for refugees including the ____(ethnic group)? I thought you’d be the best person to talk to. I’ve honestly never met an American who was facing genocide, If an American is out of work they probably need to look harder. I’ve also found that immigrants have a better work ethic. Please let me know if you have the contact info I’m looking for. We build medical equipment, specifically MRI, Dental lasers, x-ray, and sample storage units.

 Me (we are now at December 6th):

Jake, let’s be honest, I don’t know what your game is. And who are you?

For someone supposedly wanting to get ____ (6-figure number) of refugees in to the US quickly, you know so little about the immigration process in America that I can’t believe any company has employed you to get the job done. And, that you would write to a blogger for information that bloggers are not privy to—information about who to contact in refugee camps in Asia—strikes me as incredibly naive (if that is what it is).

Tell you what, if you give me the name of your company (LOL! is it the SPLC?), I will believe you. (I told him I planned to write about his inquiry)

Jake:

Wow, clearly your website is a fraud. You have no interest in helping refugees resettle in the US. That is pretty pathetic of you to have a supposed watchdog website for the benefit of refugees but ultimately have no interest in actually helping anyone, it’s just for show. I have written about 6 emails to you and you have not offered a single piece of useful information. We have offered jobs to immigrants for decades and the immigration process is handled by our legal office. I do not need sit here and waste me time speaking with a “blogger” if all you will do is ask me questions instead of being useful. From the brief look I had of your site, it seemed that you actually knew something about the situation in ____(country), but I guess that was false. If you can point me in the right direction so that I may get in touch with some camps, please do. If you are unable to provide this then please stop wasting my time. It seems there are two kind of people in this world, people who actually work to help others, and those who just blog about it….

Me:

“I do not need sit here and waste me time speaking with a “blogger” if all you will do is ask me questions instead of being useful.” [quoting Jake—ed]

Wow! Just wow! I’m wasting your time? You first e-mailed me hoping I would bite on some fake news. Sorry to disappoint you! Come on who do you really work for? No businessman looking to import immigrant labor would sound so dumb! (not to mention have such poor writing skills!) and contact a blogger for advice! Did you ever hear of the US State Department and the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees?

Look forward to more e-mails from you!

Jake and his final salvo (or I think it is) on December 13th:

I’m actually dyslexic but do quite alright at my job and the pay is more than I will ever need. I don’t know what fake news you are talking about but you are a disgrace of a human being if you would use refugees to push a blog about helping refugees but have no interest in actually taking action. The fact that you are profiting by pretending to help others makes you not only a fraud, but also a joke. It’s ok, we have been put in touch with the management for two camps and will be beginning the immigration process shorty. I cannot tell you how disgusted I am that you would attempt to profit from the suffering of people. If there is any justice in the world you will also feel the pain and suffering these people experience. I have been to every corner of the world with my work and I promise you that if there is one group of people who deserve to live in refugee camps and face persecution it’s the average American white trash like you who has no concept of the world around them outside of their bubble of ignorance.

Good day, if you believe in God I hope that he has mercy on you. You are a disgrace and it’s artificial people like you who are the reason our country will fall.

Anyone want to hazard a guess about what Jake was up to all along? Was he trying to get me to report a fake news story? Write a derogatory e-mail to him? Trump derangement syndrome? Or, what?  Look forward to hearing what you think (no expletives or threats please!)!